3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
