someone threw a dead crab at me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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