How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
