how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
