So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
