Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
