I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
