turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
soo... how was my night?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
