Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
