Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
