I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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