idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
