She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
