i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
