my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
