VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
