as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
