sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
