I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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