I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
