It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
