By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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