I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
