Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
