yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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