I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
