my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
