If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
