uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
