I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
