i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
