she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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