I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
