Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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