need another drink. this is the easiest way
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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