At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
