I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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