i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
