we're chasing vodka with high fives
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
