Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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