just tell him i said nine months
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
