rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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