I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
