He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
