Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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