is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
