we made out on top of his cat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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