Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
