normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
