He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
